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Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts

If happy adolescents make wealthy adults, how not to trade money and income for happiness.

Do you have to be rich to live a good life? Religion and philosophy say “No.” The jury though is out when it comes to income because it depends on what one defines the good life to be. On the other hand, will living the good life make you rich? The evidence says “Yes.” But then, what is a good life and why is it important to us?

Get Happy! Credit: Olivander/Flickr.com
A synonym for the good life is well-being or quality of life. Emerson defined this as “the satisfaction of an individual’s values, goals and needs through the actualization of their abilities and lifestyle.” In other words, living a life that moves smoothly; living a happy life. Dr. Jan-Emmanuel De Neve and Professor Andrew Oswald believe that youths or adolescents who are happier in life, or who have higher life satisfaction, tend to have higher levels of income, are better educated, find work faster and get promoted quicker. Both researchers found that this relationship also exists in siblings of their subjects. It was also concluded that gloomy youngsters or youths with relationship problems perform less when it comes to earning money compared to their optimistic, outgoing peers.

On the other hand, while having a high quality of life or well-being is important and close to happiness, happiness and wealth work paradoxically.

Poor or rich country, Money has a limit when it comes to attaining happiness.

Citizens of the rich and developed countries are on average happier than their counterparts from poor countries. After accounting for education, political freedom and other democratic rights, the above statement has been found to be true. Yet, it does not mean that money can buy happiness. What the findings show is that money and happiness have a positive association, but only to a point.

Robert E. Lane, a political scientist at Yale, argues that happiness is derived from two sources – material comfort (a.k.a money) and social and familial intimacy (a.k.a love). These two sources, paradoxically, are incompatible. Having more money increases your material comfort and enables you to live a more satisfying life, but it systematically weakens social and familial ties by encouraging mobility, commercializing relationships and attenuating the bonds of both the extended and the nuclear family. Citizens of poor countries have strong social ties and live daily with scarcity of money and poverty. Hence, they tend to rate money highly and even little increases in their income can result in significant reported gains in happiness.
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As for those who live in economically developed and richer countries, it has been shown that there is a diminishing return in happiness when the level of wealth crosses a certain stage. This is because earning high income in these countries increases happiness but because of the strong democratic systems and social welfare programs these societies have developed over the years, at a certain point, the expected increase in happiness by earning more and more income becomes a negative – earning more income results in disillusion, social ties are threatened and more money becomes equal to less happiness and more stress.

No wonder people who value money more highly tend to be less happy than those who value love. It is not that love is not important to their lives, but when the urge and inclination for financial achievement becomes a passion and a conditioned reaction, knowing the tipping point, when to stop, becomes an elusive goal. Happiness becomes a commercialized commodity that could be attained only through the media and entertainment industry.

So, then, if Dr. Neve and Professor Oswald argue that living more satisfying lives during one’s adolescent leads to wealthier adulthood, should parents and policy makers take this notice with a pinch of salt since having much wealth will generally lead to lesser happiness for their teens come adulthood?

While money is good, happiness is more surpassing.

The desire to pursue adolescent happiness with the aim of acquiring wealth in later years depends on several factors. One is education. Another is family environment. Motivation for self-improvement and work, along with good health, are also at play. If these factors can be accounted for, it is worth pursuing because money is a good thing and material comfort makes life richer.

It should be noted too that for people with varying incomes, the impact of income on well-being is only an illusion. People with high income do not necessarily have quality time. Also, people with high income tend to be agnostic to religion where more religion is seen in happier people due to the strong social and communal bonds that religion promotes which may not relate necessarily to belief in religion itself.

People care about their “status”, or their relative financial standing with regard to others. Earning high income is a positive thing and should be encouraged. After an income shock, most persons have shown tremendous ability to adjust to the impact of that shock, which is remarkable because without this adaptive capability, there would be much unhappiness and social stress after an economic crisis.

So, income and happiness exhibit positive association. Every country wants its citizens to be happy, to live fulfilled lives, that is why they pursue policies that will enhance the quality of life and well-being of their citizens. This makes them happier. If income doesn’t buy happiness, it can buy a visit to the spa, a warm bath, achievable college degrees and many other material comforts. Our lives would be stressful and unfulfilled if we strive to attain these and are not able to.

The caveat is: at what point in your pursuit of wealth and high income are you trading your happiness for wealth? We should desire that our youths and teenagers pursue lifestyles that makes for materially comfortable adulthood, but while emphasizing moral values and societal virtues above financial pursuits, at what point in this education will we as parents and policy makers go too far? Without happiness, wealth is just a beautiful illusion.

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Forget it! Your man won’t turn unfaithful from a rush of brain oxytocin.


Title picture
Lost soul. Credit: Flickr.com/Vince Alongi
Have you heard of the “love hormone?” It is a hormone called oxytocin. It stimulates love, bonding between parents and infants, stimulates breastfeeding and also, orgasm. It’s role in controlling sexual arousal in men and women makes it a potent hormone. Synthetic oxytocin in form of nasal sprays of placebos are now available, although research is still ongoing in this area, particularly the inability of this injected hormone doses to penetrate the blood-brain barrier. On the other hand, a loving hug, a lover’s touch, a simple kiss, all these actions can naturally make oxytocin in your system. The links below are collected from recent studies on oxytocin, the “love hormone.”

Oxytocin’s link to human emotions like love, kindness and fidelity is undeniable.

There is a positive correlation between high oxytocin levels in the blood and increase in human virtues like kindness and love
In a series of experiments, scientists found a high positive correlation between high levels of oxytocin in the blood and generosity. Also, by stimulating increased production of oxytocin, the study found that people became more generosity, and ready to offer more money. It is recommended that to increase your oxytocin levels naturally, you should engage in more positive interactions with others by hugging, complimenting and being generally amenable. Dana Foundation Blog

Want to be faithful? Make sure your oxytocin levels are normal
Social distance is an unwritten distance that people keep when they communicate. Uncomfortableness starts when communication intrudes on that distance. Flirting occurs when that social distance is broken. Research has found that oxytocin, the “love hormone”, was not instrumental in breaking down social distance and then increasing infidelity; the reverse was the case. Oxytocin, when given as a dose or nasal spray, enhanced the ability of virile men to be faithful to their partners. Oxytocin Central.

Related content: Forming blind trust for a pretty face might be influenced by gestures and nonverbal cues
Cheating in relationships could be due to chemical triggers.
The relationship between social and sexual monogamy is believed to be partly chemical. Scientists love to study the prairie vole, a rodent that is socially monogamous but not so sexually to demonstrate this observation. Their studies how that chemical communications between neurons can bias our behavior and make seemingly faithful men resort to infidelity. Slate Magazine

Oxytocin is the social interaction chemical; holds promise for autism and schizophrenia.

Fight less, love more with oxytocin
Fightings between couples could be less troublesome by encouraging cooperation in men and making women behave more approachably if they had adequate levels of oxytocin in their blood. It has also been found to help people read social cues more accurately. What this means is that with the increased research in producing an oxytocin drug, people with socially impairing conditions like autism and schizophrenia could be helped to more interact with others.
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Oxytocin also tunes the stress system to generate the best response in order to reduce conflict. Time: Health & Family

Plasma oxytocin linked to trustworthiness
Using intranasal drug administration, aka “sniffing”, a study found that oxytocin can function as a social hormone facilitating trust and other affiliative behaviors. People with high levels of plasma oxytocin are more likely to be more trusting. PLOS

Father-child bonding is more enhanced by oxytocin nasal sprays
Fathers who received oxytocin nasal sprays or placebo indulged more in baby talk and reciprocal interaction with their infants. Oxytocin has been found to be critical in pruning the brain processes involved in responding to stress and in social interactions. Oxytocin may be a key binding between early nurture or lack thereof. Time: Health & Family

Oxytocin’s ability to promote monogamy rests on social distance.
Oxytocin’s ability to promote monogamy in men may normally depend on the presence of a close positive relationship in the bond with their female partners and close physical proximity between the couple. This means that leaving your man for long periods of time could be allowing him to be prey to other women. Women could increase the faithfulness of their partners by engaging in behaviors that stimulate his oxytocin release, including intimate relations. Time: Health & Family.

Related content: Chose: remind people of money and dominate them, or other values and have their hand of friendship

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Office lies (2): Don’t expect your friends to cover-up for you, if your crime will make you better off than them.


My last blog post on office lies dwelt on one not expecting his colleagues to be lying friends when he has committed a punishable crime because they might get punished for it. It was emphasized that although friendship is important, propriety or the sense of duty lies above friendship. This piece will explain why, although your friends might not tell on you until asked, but where the possibility of punishment exists, they will surely bring you to book if they think your crime made you better off than them.

If you live in a lawless society, it is not surprising that people take laws into their hands when a criminal is caught. One of the reasons is that money confers political and social power on people. In lawless societies, giving such power to criminals is a dangerous thing. Sometimes, the police turn blind to such jungle justice.

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People behave in unreasonable ways when money is at stake. So, if after being engaged in wrongdoing and you expect your friends to cover-up for you, better make sure you did not gain any monetary benefit from your crime. If you did, it would instill a negative emotion on them that will draw up a desire to make sure you get punished. This is because they will compare the power and prestige your extra wealth would have conferred on you above theirs, and make sure you pay for it.

Would the criminal retaliate?

When one commits an office crime, he is trying to take advantage of others. Firms exist because of the transaction and production costs associated with providing goods and services for the greater public. People who work in such firms have agreed to live by a company rule and regulation, sacrificing their own personal gain - like working extra hours, going on training - in order to make sure the firm succeeds. By committing a crime, you are taking advantage of the generous sacrifices of your colleagues.

Yet, people do it all the time because they will gain material advantages over others. When found out, rather than get a sympathetic ear from friends, they get punished. Whether that punishment is accepted or the criminal retaliates in kind, depends on the society concerned. Where the society places law and order ahead of personal material gains, such criminals find it more difficult to retaliate. Hence they accept the punishment. Where the society is lawless, parochial or authoritarian, the criminals have found it easy to retaliate. Hence, people usually take matters into their hands. You can see why people hesitate to cooperate with a cheat or criminal? Because they violate corporate norms and where they are left unpunished, everyone suffers, most especially those who have sacrificed for the firm.

You should always make your friends know that you are going to stand up for them, both in and out of the office. That is what friendship stands for. Your cooperation has its limits though. By committing a crime, he is putting your means of livelihood at danger. If you have children to take care of, what kind of friendship is he promoting? One doubts if he can make such same sacrifice for you. No one wants to get fired because he wants to protect a precious friendship. You shouldn’t.

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Before you run to management though to report for a crime committed, better make sure you understand the values and the societal norms in your area. It might be your friend, or not, but what you should be interested in is that the firm’s interest and the interest of everyone, is well protected. If the criminal will not cooperate but is likely to retaliate in some other way, you should be very careful how you go about it. But if the cheat or criminal behaves more cooperatively, then you will have gained both a colleague and a friend.

To agree or not depends on you.

Sometimes, we lie for good causes. No one is debating the morality of a lie or not, rather what you should expect of your friends if you want them to cover-up for you in the office. If you are known to be a fighter for the common good, to have sacrificed yourself for the success of the firm, you could get a sympathetic ear; otherwise you will surely get punished, especially if money is involved. Remember, the world is a difficult place. People can be deceptive or manipulative because they are seeking material advantages over others.

When someone asks for you to help him from a wrong doing, whatever you chose to do, to help or have him punished, be careful of your decision. If you ask me, I’d make sure my decision was going to benefit the common good.

<<< 1 Office lies (1): Don't expect your friends to cover-up for you, if they will lose something of value.


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Is virginity important? Mothers, help your partner speak to the kids about sex!


Sex! The word means several things to several people. In some cultures, it is a taboo word for children. It might mean facts about male and female bodies and how these work. It could also refer to human development, like the stages when the penis becomes important, or when the breasts start to develop. It could refer to reproduction, types of relationships that we make and what makes a relationship healthy or unhealthy. Sex can also refer to sexual behavior, how to prevent pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases (STD).

When children have questions about sex who will they turn to? Parents should make sure their children should turn to them and not to their playground friends. In this regard, mothers are known to be doing well. They are more likely to talk to their children about sensitive topics such as sexual behaviors. Generally, the fathers are lagging behind. Despite this, all hope is not lost. Mothers should help their mates speak up more to the children about sex. By much persuasion and repetition, fathers can also join in teaching their children to respect sex for what it is before adulthood.

Fathers need help.

Research has found that when fathers are exposed to campaign messages, they demonstrated a consistent and increasing pattern of father-child communication over an 18-month period compared to fathers who were not exposed to these campaign messages. Because mothers have placed it upon themselves to talk about sensitive issues to their children, they do not need to be reminded or prodded about it. What this means is that fathers are not living up to their duties to help their children face the challenges of growing up. They need help. Mothers, take note!

Raising children comes with much responsibility. Mothers cannot do it alone. Statistics has it that by the time they are 19, seven out of 10 teens have had sex. Teens have very high rates of sexually transmitted infections. If you don’t live up to your responsibility, your kids will learn about sex from somewhere else, either from uninformed young people like themselves or from the t.v. Your role as parents is to make sure your children have the right information.

Keeping silent about approaching this sensitive topic can affect your their feelings and behavior about sex for the rest of their lives. They may grow up thinking that sex is something scary or embarrassing. Where they are curious enough, they will give in to peer pressure. If your children are hesitant about talking to you, make sure you make yourselves approachable. Respect their privacy of views and the chance to make their own decisions, but that you will always be there for them when they need help. It is wise to start early with your children. Doing so makes it easier for them to turn to you when the sensitive issues come up. Your kids will grow up with healthy sex lives, are more likely to delay sexual activity, have fewer partners and respect health warnings about sex.

Practical ways fathers can approach the topic of Sex

How, a father might ask, do I start helping my children with sex? It depends on the relationship you have built with your children. It is better though to use everyday life and scene, like when both of you are watching TV shows that has puberty as a theme, or going out on a date; sometimes when both of you are watching an ad that could inspire thoughts about body acceptance. One practical way also is showing your children pictures of pregnant women. Your conversation with them turns out to take a natural and easy bent this way.

Fathers too should attempt to start early and make the frequency of the discussion high. This implies spending more time with your children. You can even start today.

When questions come up

When questions come up, you could follow these practical steps while answering their questions about sex and sexuality.
  • Try to find out what is really being asked.
  • Use viewpoint questions, like: “What have you heard about that”? or “Can you tell me what you already know about that”? Understand what is really being asked before offering an answer.

  • Don’t answer too much information.
  • Give only truthful, short and simple information.

  • If you don’t know the answer, say so.
  • It is better you postpone giving the answer than make your children think other persons are more capable than you are.

  • Check their understanding.
  • After answering a question, you could ask: “Does that answer your question.”?

Fathers can make a difference in the life of their children by buying out time to talk with them. Doing so will help father and son to build strong relationships as well help these young ones stay clear of pursuing unhealthy and regrettable sexual lives. So, fathers, start talking to them today.

By the way, to all the mothers who are setting the example, help your man to do so where he is lacking. It is for the sake of your children.

Source: Repeated Exposure to Media Messages Encouraging Parent-Child Communication About Sex: Differential Trajectories for Mothers and Fathers


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