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Showing posts with label lying friend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lying friend. Show all posts

Office lies (2): Don’t expect your friends to cover-up for you, if your crime will make you better off than them.


My last blog post on office lies dwelt on one not expecting his colleagues to be lying friends when he has committed a punishable crime because they might get punished for it. It was emphasized that although friendship is important, propriety or the sense of duty lies above friendship. This piece will explain why, although your friends might not tell on you until asked, but where the possibility of punishment exists, they will surely bring you to book if they think your crime made you better off than them.

If you live in a lawless society, it is not surprising that people take laws into their hands when a criminal is caught. One of the reasons is that money confers political and social power on people. In lawless societies, giving such power to criminals is a dangerous thing. Sometimes, the police turn blind to such jungle justice.

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People behave in unreasonable ways when money is at stake. So, if after being engaged in wrongdoing and you expect your friends to cover-up for you, better make sure you did not gain any monetary benefit from your crime. If you did, it would instill a negative emotion on them that will draw up a desire to make sure you get punished. This is because they will compare the power and prestige your extra wealth would have conferred on you above theirs, and make sure you pay for it.

Would the criminal retaliate?

When one commits an office crime, he is trying to take advantage of others. Firms exist because of the transaction and production costs associated with providing goods and services for the greater public. People who work in such firms have agreed to live by a company rule and regulation, sacrificing their own personal gain - like working extra hours, going on training - in order to make sure the firm succeeds. By committing a crime, you are taking advantage of the generous sacrifices of your colleagues.

Yet, people do it all the time because they will gain material advantages over others. When found out, rather than get a sympathetic ear from friends, they get punished. Whether that punishment is accepted or the criminal retaliates in kind, depends on the society concerned. Where the society places law and order ahead of personal material gains, such criminals find it more difficult to retaliate. Hence they accept the punishment. Where the society is lawless, parochial or authoritarian, the criminals have found it easy to retaliate. Hence, people usually take matters into their hands. You can see why people hesitate to cooperate with a cheat or criminal? Because they violate corporate norms and where they are left unpunished, everyone suffers, most especially those who have sacrificed for the firm.

You should always make your friends know that you are going to stand up for them, both in and out of the office. That is what friendship stands for. Your cooperation has its limits though. By committing a crime, he is putting your means of livelihood at danger. If you have children to take care of, what kind of friendship is he promoting? One doubts if he can make such same sacrifice for you. No one wants to get fired because he wants to protect a precious friendship. You shouldn’t.

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Before you run to management though to report for a crime committed, better make sure you understand the values and the societal norms in your area. It might be your friend, or not, but what you should be interested in is that the firm’s interest and the interest of everyone, is well protected. If the criminal will not cooperate but is likely to retaliate in some other way, you should be very careful how you go about it. But if the cheat or criminal behaves more cooperatively, then you will have gained both a colleague and a friend.

To agree or not depends on you.

Sometimes, we lie for good causes. No one is debating the morality of a lie or not, rather what you should expect of your friends if you want them to cover-up for you in the office. If you are known to be a fighter for the common good, to have sacrificed yourself for the success of the firm, you could get a sympathetic ear; otherwise you will surely get punished, especially if money is involved. Remember, the world is a difficult place. People can be deceptive or manipulative because they are seeking material advantages over others.

When someone asks for you to help him from a wrong doing, whatever you chose to do, to help or have him punished, be careful of your decision. If you ask me, I’d make sure my decision was going to benefit the common good.

<<< 1 Office lies (1): Don't expect your friends to cover-up for you, if they will lose something of value.


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Office lies (1): Don’t expect your friends to cover-up for you, if they will lose something of value.


Friendship is a human social need. It is a part of what makes us alive. That is why wherever human societies thrive, the need to return favors, to give something back when someone has extended favors, is a principle we imbibe in our children. This principle is called reciprocity. It is the principle that Jesus was enunciating when he told his disciples that “there is more in giving than in receiving.”

More interestingly, humans do not show any bias in giving. We can give for infinite reasons, and sometimes, to complete strangers who have done nothing for us in the past, just because we feel happy doing so.

On the other hand, what would you do if a friend, because he has been covering up for you, suddenly asks you to lie for him in the office when he discovers that a crime he committed might be discovered? Would you reciprocate his past favors, and lie, so that he does not get punished?

Avoid getting used for the sake of friendship.

We might reason that for friendship, we can stand up for our friends. It might be no big deal to lie for friendship, because everyone does it to grease the friendship ego. On the other hand, where the crime is a grave offense that breaches a major company policy, then such friendship is put under the mirror. As humans, where you sense foul play, that an individual is trying to use you to maximize his own benefits at the office, you get disappointed. According to some researchers, reciprocal giving amongst humans is a natural benefit maximizing exchange. This need makes us to extend ourselves for strangers without counting past favors before extending help to them.

How disappointing it would be if someone, disguising as a friend, decides to commit a crime with the hope that you would cover his back, and a criminal offense at that? Many persons have faced this situation. Because they decided to stick for what is right, they lost a friend. They’d rather not be a lying friend. What would you have done?

The devil is in their smile. Credit: Flickr.com, Mathew_Roberts
Well, most times, where returning favors for a friend would result in a loss, whether of reputation or prestige, never expect them to cover up for you. You will surely get disappointed. Be careful also that you do not jeopardize your future by willfully committing crimes.

Past favors might be useless when the chips are down.

Never count on your friends covering up for your crime if they cannot vouch for your past actions. That would be foremost on their minds. Be ready to face the consequences. If your trust level is not that highly ranked, you will surely get disappointed when your own friend hands you over to the police. Never even expect your supposed friend to lie for you in the office if his reputation is at stake. He built that reputation with the sweat of his teeth. Your friendship would count for nothing. You might be taking a huge risk counting on them. He might dissociate from your friendship, calling you a deceptive person, or classing you as someone of low integrity, who from the starting blocks was not worthy of his friendship.

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Friendship takes account of past favors if a loss is in view. Has your history in the office being above board? Is this crime something you could not avoid, maybe because your wife just gave birth and you needed the money badly for hospital bills, or for some other emergency? If you want to have the back of your friends, make sure they do not feel they are going to lose anything by helping you out. Make sure that you have built up a history of standing up for them in the past; doing so, you would be putting money into a bank account. If you really need them to lie for you, which no one encourages, you should make sure that the trouble you are faced with was committed because you were trying to do something proper and dignified, and was beset with unforeseen circumstances such that the crime that was committed was humanely possible for anyone in such-same situation.

That does not mean that they would lie for you. It would only help to make them comfortable with being your friends. Do not allow them to think you are deceptive and manipulative; you would be committing another crime. Propriety has more value than friendship.

No one wants to be a criminal by association.

It is an ugly habit to lie. On the other hand, we are ready to lie to cover up small mistakes. But do you know that small mistakes can build up to a habit that you fall into a pattern of lying because a friend knows your weak spot? Never think of lying as an option. If you have to tell a lie, make sure you believe that it is for the common good, both for your friendship and for the profit of the company that employed both of you. Ask yourself why that friend had to wait until the possibility of being exposed exists before he made you aware of the crime? It is a terrible thing to be in a manipulative relationship.

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Always remember that any crime, whether minor or major, could make you get prosecuted. So, be very careful. Do not hoodwink yourself about friendship such that you have to suffer for a crime. Many persons have found themselves disappointed when their friends would have no part in their crime.

While we never pray that our friends make us criminals by association, it is important that if a friend is in the habit of asking for small favors in order to cover up his or her back, you should reconsider that friendship. He could be setting the stage for something major; you could end up the fall guy. Always insist on truthfulness. The truth will set you free, both at the office and for the sake of friendship.

In the second part of this blog series on office lies, I will be writing on why you should not count on your friends lying for a crime committed if they thought the crime helped you gain a little material advantage.


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