Emotions are our responses to internal or external events. A woman having a headache demonstrates it by either touching her hands to her head or saying it out that she has a headache. When we see a crime being committed on the street, our faces register signs of dismay and shock. On my face, your face, by body movements, by choice of words, by a silent whisper, a nod of the head, a smile of approval, a loving kiss, a hateful glance, emotions are expressed in countless ways that the senses can perceive and receive a message.
Some emotions are spontaneous. In my middle high school classes, it amazes me how the children sometimes begin drumming on the desks or exclaiming in alarm in reaction to some information in the lecture or to an answer to a question. Some are also premeditated.
Whatever the case may be, emotions are message bearers in that they convey to the observer the feelings, goals, needs, desires and social intentions of the creator of the emotion. Whether love at first sight exists or not, the reaction expressed by an observer to sex or other visual stimuli, was as a result of a emotion produced.
If happiness is appraised as a favorable and benign emotion that we all are attracted to, then what is anger? An expressive emotion that translates into a frustrated goal and taking the blame out on others.
Emotions surely convey messages and not just few, but lots of messages. Emotions then are worth studying and understanding if we want to build healthy social relationships.
The next blog article, Series 2: Why emotions can drive a second emotional response, describes the influential role of emotions in social life.
The rest of the series:
Have you been accused of being individualistic, self-centered, even selfish? It didn’t bode well with you, not so? On the other end of the line, have you ever put yourself in line for others, making sacrifices for them, only to end up hurting yourself? You will not be willing to do so again. The two situations above can result in personal and inter-personal conflict. This is because as social creatures, sharing means caring, and we are expected and have been brought up to give priority to others over the self. Yet, you cannot eat your cake and have it. You cannot lose your self-interest and hope to pursue your personal goals at the same time.
Man feeling guilty, nun beside him. Credit: DG Jones/Flickr.com
In order to lead more fulfilling, happier lives, when can we, you and I, draw the line between placing the interest of others above our own self-interest?
Why is this important?
By the way, why is the above question important? If we do not satisfy our inherent prosocial desires, we are creating an environment for internal conflict. Internal conflict can result in unexplained or even excessive feelings of guilt for everyday actions. The father of economics, Adam Smith, acknowledged that while markets and commerce function because humans collectively work together, beneath the scene, the invisible hand of self-interest, or the desire to attain something for ourselves, to have a personal advantage, makes this prosocial market interaction beneficial.
Want self-interest without guilt – have it imposed
We often hear reports that the rich are getting richer and the poor poorer; that the world’s resources are in the hands of a few rich, influential men while the rest suffer abject poverty. If you are very rich, should you feel guilty about this? No matter what the argument, which the author of this piece will rather put aside, most rich persons feel guilty when faced with this statistic. So they have resorted to philanthropy and immense acts of generosity. There are numerous foundations, like the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation, that would gladly turn the tables, as well as numerous economic forums that wish to address this problem.
This altruism even in the face of selfism and greed is due to the internal conflict we face when the above questions are broached; as mentioned earlier. Psychological scientists Jonathan Berman and Deborah Small of The Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania in a recent work, “Self-Interest Without Selfishness: The Hedonic Benefit of Imposed Self-Interest”, believe that to feel accomplished and happy even when pursuing personal advantages, it is beneficial that the desire should be “imposed” on us as individuals, and should not come from our volition. That is, people should see it as a duty, an obligation, that you pursue such a course for the benefit of yourself because it will benefit the common good.
In other words, what Bernard and Small are arguing is that if you desire the perks and advantages of life, you should allow others to confer it on you, to make you want to go for it, and not your initiating the action so that you do not lose your happiness and make yourself guilt-ridden.
Phrases like “I want it now!” will only make you guilty.
You can also make sacrifices without getting hurt.
Self-sacrifice is a virtue. If you fall into this group, you are a rare gem. No amount of money or incentive can reward you enough. But, you will agree with me that no one wants to be self-sacrificing and end up losing out. The majority of persons are averse to losses. Advert
In order to maintain that excelling quality of self-sacrifice and still minimize your losses, if you foresee any in a venture, say, you intend negotiating with some kidnappers about some victims and if the negotiations go awry, whoever gets the blame might lose so much, or, you want to undertake business ventures for a friend who is sick and are willing to feed him information about how the business is run on a daily and transparent basis, in such cases, you have to “cover your back,” to avoid disappointments and disheartenment. You cannot read the human mind and no one can foretell what time and unforeseen circumstances can cough up in the area of the imagination.
It is expected that you should be clear about the expected values and goals. Be ready to communicate well your fears. Let every party know what the risks are, the losses you foresee. Then ask: Who is going to be responsible for such losses?
Psychologists call these the “sense of agency,” that is, who is going to be responsible, who is going to be at the helm of control? Because you are undertaking these sacrifice, a “sense of ownership” is conferred on you, because you desire to be prosocial than selfish; if you retain the sense of agency for those acts, or are at the helm of control, you have no reason to complain if you are hurt, or end up with unanticipated losses.
If nobody wants to take responsibility, then whatever self-sacrificing action you intend undertaking was not valued, is not needed and is better left alone. Nobody pays money for what is not valuable; nobody is interested in controlling a valueless venture.
It is important that you throw away the sense of agency, the control and responsibility, in situations of self-sacrifice if getting hurt might make you shrink back from your sacrificial character. The essence is for you and others to benefit from your actions while you still get to be able to have your morale, your spirit, the vigor to want to carry out such an action in the future. Only a fool undertakes hurting him- or herself.
Guilt is a terrible thing if you value happiness over material wealth. I faced a similar situation recently and had to take action on it after reading this sciencedaily article. I decided to share it with you because I believe it will greatly benefit you.
Summary: wait for others to impose it on you, or make it deserving of you, if you intend pursuing your personal advantages; transfer control and leadership positions to others if an action you are undertaking is self-sacrificial in nature. Life is all about being happy and satisfied.
Prosocial is virtuous but taking care of yourself is the engine behind it all.
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Do you have to be rich to live a good life? Religion and philosophy say “No.” The jury though is out when it comes to income because it depends on what one defines the good life to be. On the other hand, will living the good life make you rich? The evidence says “Yes.” But then, what is a good life and why is it important to us?
Get Happy! Credit: Olivander/Flickr.comA synonym for the good life is well-being or quality of life. Emerson defined this as “the satisfaction of an individual’s values, goals and needs through the actualization of their abilities and lifestyle.” In other words, living a life that moves smoothly; living a happy life. Dr. Jan-Emmanuel De Neve and Professor Andrew Oswald believe that youths or adolescents who are happier in life, or who have higher life satisfaction, tend to have higher levels of income, are better educated, find work faster and get promoted quicker. Both researchers found that this relationship also exists in siblings of their subjects. It was also concluded that gloomy youngsters or youths with relationship problems perform less when it comes to earning money compared to their optimistic, outgoing peers.
On the other hand, while having a high quality of life or well-being is important and close to happiness, happiness and wealth work paradoxically.
Poor or rich country, Money has a limit when it comes to attaining happiness.
Citizens of the rich and developed countries are on average happier than their counterparts from poor countries. After accounting for education, political freedom and other democratic rights, the above statement has been found to be true. Yet, it does not mean that money can buy happiness. What the findings show is that money and happiness have a positive association, but only to a point.
Robert E. Lane, a political scientist at Yale, argues that happiness is derived from two sources – material comfort (a.k.a money) and social and familial intimacy (a.k.a love). These two sources, paradoxically, are incompatible. Having more money increases your material comfort and enables you to live a more satisfying life, but it systematically weakens social and familial ties by encouraging mobility, commercializing relationships and attenuating the bonds of both the extended and the nuclear family. Citizens of poor countries have strong social ties and live daily with scarcity of money and poverty. Hence, they tend to rate money highly and even little increases in their income can result in significant reported gains in happiness.Advert Full-color flyers, brochures, sell sheets, signs and banners are all effective ways to get your name out, highlight new products and services As for those who live in economically developed and richer countries, it has been shown that there is a diminishing return in happiness when the level of wealth crosses a certain stage. This is because earning high income in these countries increases happiness but because of the strong democratic systems and social welfare programs these societies have developed over the years, at a certain point, the expected increase in happiness by earning more and more income becomes a negative – earning more income results in disillusion, social ties are threatened and more money becomes equal to less happiness and more stress.
No wonder people who value money more highly tend to be less happy than those who value love. It is not that love is not important to their lives, but when the urge and inclination for financial achievement becomes a passion and a conditioned reaction, knowing the tipping point, when to stop, becomes an elusive goal. Happiness becomes a commercialized commodity that could be attained only through the media and entertainment industry.
So, then, if Dr. Neve and Professor Oswald argue that living more satisfying lives during one’s adolescent leads to wealthier adulthood, should parents and policy makers take this notice with a pinch of salt since having much wealth will generally lead to lesser happiness for their teens come adulthood?
While money is good, happiness is more surpassing.
The desire to pursue adolescent happiness with the aim of acquiring wealth in later years depends on several factors. One is education. Another is family environment. Motivation for self-improvement and work, along with good health, are also at play. If these factors can be accounted for, it is worth pursuing because money is a good thing and material comfort makes life richer.
It should be noted too that for people with varying incomes, the impact of income on well-being is only an illusion. People with high income do not necessarily have quality time. Also, people with high income tend to be agnostic to religion where more religion is seen in happier people due to the strong social and communal bonds that religion promotes which may not relate necessarily to belief in religion itself.
People care about their “status”, or their relative financial standing with regard to others. Earning high income is a positive thing and should be encouraged. After an income shock, most persons have shown tremendous ability to adjust to the impact of that shock, which is remarkable because without this adaptive capability, there would be much unhappiness and social stress after an economic crisis.
So, income and happiness exhibit positive association. Every country wants its citizens to be happy, to live fulfilled lives, that is why they pursue policies that will enhance the quality of life and well-being of their citizens. This makes them happier. If income doesn’t buy happiness, it can buy a visit to the spa, a warm bath, achievable college degrees and many other material comforts. Our lives would be stressful and unfulfilled if we strive to attain these and are not able to.
The caveat is: at what point in your pursuit of wealth and high income are you trading your happiness for wealth? We should desire that our youths and teenagers pursue lifestyles that makes for materially comfortable adulthood, but while emphasizing moral values and societal virtues above financial pursuits, at what point in this education will we as parents and policy makers go too far? Without happiness, wealth is just a beautiful illusion.
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