SOLVING IT?

Will she marry rich or poor? Wealthy women seeking sexual partners see no difference!

It is not difficult to see a woman riding her Limousine, having a chauffeur driven Mercedes Benz or driving the streets on a Hummer Jeep in our modern times. Time and economic development have helped to narrow the gap between men and women in terms of financial strength and political voices. Have they also been helped in terms of seeking sexual partners?

I believe so.

Ticket officePhoto credit: Flickr.com, Loungerie

I grew up to believe, and I think that I am not the only one, that women agree to marriage when the man is rich and has several investments to his kitty, while men usually tend towards women who appear to have the ability to raise up their children, submissive and can arouse them sexually. These days, women are getting financially independent and are bearing the same financial responsibilities as men; some are the breadwinners in their homes. This independence has changed the age long belief that they will marry rich. Women see no difference again. They now marry for something higher than material wealth.

Success and the ability to survive between generations have always been determined by tradition and society. Women were made to believe that raising healthy offspring depended on material wellbeing. The men were made to believe that success depended on having a fertile woman, a woman with alluring physical form, who would raise him boys that will inherit his property. These are what society and tradition have fed to us for years. We have passed on these beliefs to our children.

GenerationsPhoto credit: flickr.com

Times are changing. It has been proved that where the gap between men and women have been narrowed, in terms of education and finance, the gap between the mental abilities of men and women have also narrowed. Would that be the same for choosing a marriage partner? Marcel Zentner and Klaudia Mitura of the University of York, UK, seem to be saying “yes.” They found that when women are given more power in the society, they tend not to rely on the wealth of a man when agreeing to marriage. They depend on something other than wealth. Their choices too do not fall far from that of men.

Does it mean a woman who has climbed the corporate ladder, is wealthy financially, has all it takes to be independent, will marry a man less wealthy than herself without balking, would make herself approachable to a man without material ideas at the back of her mind? It takes a lot for societal biases to disappear. It takes a lot for a man to approach a multimillionaire at 40 and propose to her for marriage when her bank account is far higher than his own.

The onus also falls on the men. They tend to believe that women have lost interest in marriage and have substituted it for fame and wealth. They wonder whether the woman would agree to their societally accepted concept that she should be submissive? A wealthy woman scares most men away.

Courage, courage, folks!

If the study by the UK scientists is to be believed, then men should throw these fears aside. Approach them, please, and do propose. You could end up marrying a rich woman by putting on your courage hats!

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Men might think that women who have chosen to follow a successful career path are reluctant to commit themselves. But realize that the chosen careers might be time and attention consuming that a sensible, passionate and loving man can draw up the natural inclination in them to think of marriage again. Do not be overwhelmed by their strong personalities. Women desire the good things of life like everyone else does. I refuse to believe that no woman wants to remain childless; they simply do not know how to balance between a career and a home. With increasing financial power in their hands, the decision becomes more difficult.

A discerning man can help his woman. Do not let societal expectations hold you back when you love a woman.

Source: Stepping Out of the Caveman's Shadow: Nations' Gender Gap Predicts Degree of Sex Differentiation in Mate Preferences.

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Is virginity important? Mothers, help your partner speak to the kids about sex!

Sex! The word means several things to several people. In some cultures, it is a taboo word for children. It might mean facts about male and female bodies and how these work. It could also refer to human development, like the stages when the penis becomes important, or when the breasts start to develop. It could refer to reproduction, types of relationships that we make and what makes a relationship healthy or unhealthy. Sex can also refer to sexual behavior, how to prevent pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases (STD).

When children have questions about sex who will they turn to? Parents should make sure their children should turn to them and not to their playground friends. In this regard, mothers are known to be doing well. They are more likely to talk to their children about sensitive topics such as sexual behaviors. Generally, the fathers are lagging behind. Despite this, all hope is not lost. Mothers should help their mates speak up more to the children about sex. By much persuasion and repetition, fathers can also join in teaching their children to respect sex for what it is before adulthood.

Fathers need help.

Research has found that when fathers are exposed to campaign messages, they demonstrated a consistent and increasing pattern of father-child communication over an 18-month period compared to fathers who were not exposed to these campaign messages. Because mothers have placed it upon themselves to talk about sensitive issues to their children, they do not need to be reminded or prodded about it. What this means is that fathers are not living up to their duties to help their children face the challenges of growing up. They need help. Mothers, take note!

father and sonPhoto credit: Flickr.com, dke72

Raising children comes with much responsibility. Mothers cannot do it alone. Statistics has it that by the time they are 19, seven out of 10 teens have had sex. Teens have very high rates of sexually transmitted infections. If you don’t live up to your responsibility, your kids will learn about sex from somewhere else, either from uninformed young people like themselves or from the t.v. Your role as parents is to make sure your children have the right information.

Keeping silent about approaching this sensitive topic can affect your their feelings and behavior about sex for the rest of their lives. They may grow up thinking that sex is something scary or embarrassing. Where they are curious enough, they will give in to peer pressure. If your children are hesitant about talking to you, make sure you make yourselves approachable. Respect their privacy of views and the chance to make their own decisions, but that you will always be there for them when they need help. It is wise to start early with your children. Doing so makes it easier for them to turn to you when the sensitive issues come up. Your kids will grow up with healthy sex lives, are more likely to delay sexual activity, have fewer partners and respect health warnings about sex.

Practical ways fathers can approach the topic of Sex

How, a father might ask, do I start helping my children with sex? It depends on the relationship you have built with your children. It is better though to use everyday life and scene, like when both of you are watching TV shows that has puberty as a theme, or going out on a date; sometimes when both of you are watching an ad that could inspire thoughts about body acceptance. One practical way also is showing your children pictures of pregnant women. Your conversation with them turns out to take a natural and easy bent this way.

Fathers too should attempt to start early and make the frequency of the discussion high. This implies spending more time with your children. You can even start today.

When questions come up

When questions come up, you could follow these practical steps while answering their questions about sex and sexuality.

Try to find out what is really being asked.

Use viewpoint questions, like: “What have you heard about that”? or “Can you tell me what you already know about that”? Understand what is really being asked before offering an answer.

Don’t answer too much information.

Give only truthful, short and simple information.

If you don’t know the answer, say so.

It is better you postpone giving the answer than make your children think other persons are more capable than you are.

Check their understanding.

After answering a question, you could ask: “Does that answer your question.”?

Fathers can make a difference in the life of their children by buying out time to talk with them. Doing so will help father and son to build strong relationships as well help these young ones stay clear of pursuing unhealthy and regrettable sexual lives. So, fathers, start talking to them today.

By the way, to all the mothers who are setting the example, help your man to do so where he is lacking. It is for the sake of your children.

Source: Repeated Exposure to Media Messages Encouraging Parent-Child Communication About Sex: Differential Trajectories for Mothers and Fathers

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Speak up when you have premarital anxiety since love might not be enough when cold feet is at your door step

Love - that four letter word. We all confuse lust for love and vice versa. One of the real test of our love, when love stops being blind, is when marriage is proposed. You see, when marriage comes into play, the blindness of love disappears.

Premarital blissCredit: Flickr.com, N08

This is because when we are young, we can throw away the serious nature of commitment keeping and concentrate on having fun. As for marriage, marriage is what we view as something more permanent, a lifetime commitment. When marriage is approached, the little faults and problems we used to ignore come into light.

Some of the doubts we could be blind to during the stage of love are doubts about compatibility. The pressures of finding the “perfect match”, along with the fact that we all have our individual differences. When we have experienced emotional or physical abuse, betrayal, dishonesty, addiction, differences in sexual orientation and drastic disagreement about crucial issues, doubts can also come up when marriage is approached. If you want your marriage to turn out to be a success, you must have to speak up.

Cold feet towards a marriage proposal should not be ignored, especially when a woman develops one. A University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) study has demonstrated that pre-wedding uncertainty, especially among women, predicts higher divorce rates and less marital satisfaction years later. Never ignore those warning signs.

If there was no love, then there’d be no marriage. Despite that, do not take love as an excuse that marriage will turn out fine when and if you have cold feet. Love is and has always been so easy and free. Sometimes, you are wont to think that there are no responsibilities attached to love. Without love, a marriage will not work. Love, though, is not enough.

Days after marriage has been proposed, it is natural for anyone to have to worry about whether he/she is fit for marriage. We all have our anxiety symptoms when it comes to marriage. When you are experiencing one, take time to understand what the reasons for the anxiety are. It is a dangerous thing to ignore those anxieties and risk losing your marriage less than four years later. Analyze them and consider whether they are central to your happiness. Is he abusive? Does he like to control you? Is she overly obsessive? These questions when breached can help you detect the likely future source(s) of trouble in your marriage.

You have to deal with that anxiety. If you wish that it will just go away, then it will likely escalate. Have a conversation with your future partner about it. Be honest about your feelings. Be open to him or to her. The big issues that concern your future as a couple must be addressed. But, it will not be easy to share your doubts. It will discomfort your partner when you point them out to him. When the conversation is handled in a loving way, there will be understanding and the problem will be approached. You never might know; your partner might have doubts himself he’d like to share.

Always remember that no matter how perfectly matched two partners are, they will always have differences between them. If those differences result in anxiety symptoms when marriage is proposed, never ignore them. Work out success strategies that will ensure your marital success.

No matter why you want to get married, whether for political, economic or for reasons best known to you, love should be the foundation for a healthy marriage. Yet, love is not enough if a partner has cold feet. Do not think that the fun of love and youth will translate into a happy marriage; that you can just ignore your fears. Never start a marriage that might end up at the rocks some years later. Build your home on the rock of Gibraltar; as if on unshaken foundations.

Source: Do Cold Feet Warn of Trouble Ahead? Premarital Uncertainty and Four-Year Marital Outcomes

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