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Saturday, November 10, 2012

Speak up when you have premarital anxiety since love might not be enough when cold feet is at your door step


Love - that four letter word. We all confuse lust for love and vice versa. One of the real test of our love, when love stops being blind, is when marriage is proposed. You see, when marriage comes into play, the blindness of love disappears.

This is because when we are young, we can throw away the serious nature of commitment keeping and concentrate on having fun. As for marriage, marriage is what we view as something more permanent, a lifetime commitment. When marriage is approached, the little faults and problems we used to ignore come into light.

Some of the doubts we could be blind to during the stage of love are doubts about compatibility. The pressures of finding the “perfect match”, along with the fact that we all have our individual differences. When we have experienced emotional or physical abuse, betrayal, dishonesty, addiction, differences in sexual orientation and drastic disagreement about crucial issues, doubts can also come up when marriage is approached. If you want your marriage to turn out to be a success, you must have to speak up.

Cold feet towards a marriage proposal should not be ignored, especially when a woman develops one. A University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) study has demonstrated that pre-wedding uncertainty, especially among women, predicts higher divorce rates and less marital satisfaction years later. Never ignore those warning signs.

If there was no love, then there’d be no marriage. Despite that, do not take love as an excuse that marriage will turn out fine when and if you have cold feet. Love is and has always been so easy and free. Sometimes, you are wont to think that there are no responsibilities attached to love. Without love, a marriage will not work. Love, though, is not enough.

Days after marriage has been proposed, it is natural for anyone to have to worry about whether he/she is fit for marriage. We all have our anxiety symptoms when it comes to marriage. When you are experiencing one, take time to understand what the reasons for the anxiety are. It is a dangerous thing to ignore those anxieties and risk losing your marriage less than four years later. Analyze them and consider whether they are central to your happiness. Is he abusive? Does he like to control you? Is she overly obsessive? These questions when breached can help you detect the likely future source(s) of trouble in your marriage.

You have to deal with that anxiety. If you wish that it will just go away, then it will likely escalate. Have a conversation with your future partner about it. Be honest about your feelings. Be open to him or to her. The big issues that concern your future as a couple must be addressed. But, it will not be easy to share your doubts. It will discomfort your partner when you point them out to him. When the conversation is handled in a loving way, there will be understanding and the problem will be approached. You never might know; your partner might have doubts himself he’d like to share.

Always remember that no matter how perfectly matched two partners are, they will always have differences between them. If those differences result in anxiety symptoms when marriage is proposed, never ignore them. Work out success strategies that will ensure your marital success.

No matter why you want to get married, whether for political, economic or for reasons best known to you, love should be the foundation for a healthy marriage. Yet, love is not enough if a partner has cold feet. Do not think that the fun of love and youth will translate into a happy marriage; that you can just ignore your fears. Never start a marriage that might end up at the rocks some years later. Build your home on the rock of Gibraltar; as if on unshaken foundations.

Source: Do Cold Feet Warn of Trouble Ahead? Premarital Uncertainty and Four-Year Marital Outcomes


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