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Thursday, November 8, 2012

To get healed after a relationship post break-up, de-friend that ex- on Facebook or you’ll get caught stalking.


After you have called it quits, you continue to establish contact with your former partner. This is not because you desire to return to the relationship status quo, rather because you do not want to perceive yourself as feeling hurt, or harboring grudges. On the other hand, it is wise that after a relationship post break up, you call it quits, stop having frequent and close contact, whether offline or online, with your former partner. If you do not do so, you are giving yourself greater sadness and inhibiting your options for recovery.

Would you not feel anger, disappointment, confusion, hatred, frustration or even betrayal if you found your former partner talking with a handsome man or beautiful woman on the street? Would your adrenaline not get a rush? Maintaining close contact with that ex- online, most especially by reading his Facebook updates and being friends with him/her on Facebook can illicit unwanted sexual arousal, lust and a negative desire to do something wrong.

The sooner you make all contacts with that ex- infrequent, particularly when both of you were former friends on Facebook, the better for you so that you can heal your broken heart after a relationship break-up.

The effects of remaining Facebook friends with an ex-lover or even just following their activities online can disrupt your ability to heal emotionally and move on with your life. Due to jealousy and unwanted desires, you could end up doing Facebook surveillance on his or her posts. Researchers have found that this negative outcome is demonstrated both online and offline. This is termed relational intrusion and can lead to stalking.

Whether you are mature enough to handle the distress associated with the break up or not, it is better to let sleeping dog lie. Your split might be amicable. You find nothing wrong in remaining friends on Facebook. You have no negative feelings, no sexual desire or longing for that ex-. Both of you might share the same passions offline and online. So, you find nothing wrong in your having constant contact on Facebook, even offline.

It is better to keep that ex- at a distance. It is best not to read his or her Facebook status updates, or even Facebook profile wall messages and photos. Because Facebook information is easy, free and anonymous, you could end up falling prey to the trap of monitoring the behavior of the ex- online. You could end up stalking that individual on Facebook. It has been shown that this happens online as well as offline.

People who engage in it tend to perceive it as harmless. It is relational intrusion and dangerous. Many persons have found themselves guilty of writing a status update just to make the ex-partner feel jealous. Do not go that way. Your action could turn out to be obsessive because it costs you nothing to do so, and by the way, no one saw you doing it. Much more so, the desire for that former partner could be renewed and how upsetting you would be to find that ex- has found another smashing handsome man? Mounting electronic surveillance on people without permission is a dangerous thing.

If you found that you are obsessively monitoring your ex-partner’s online behavior, better de-friend that person immediately. That is the best you can do for yourself. It is the best remedy you can give yourself when you are broken-hearted over your break up with an ex-partner. You have to allow yourself the time and opportunity to heal emotionally well from the break up. Your personal growth can be at risk also if you do not take this course.

Source: Can Post-Breakup Facebook Surveillance Delay Emotional Recovery?


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